Lisa O
Not all selfish people are obvious. Some hide it behind charm, wit, or even generosity when it serves their image. But over time, you’ll start to notice a pattern. These individuals consistently prioritize their own needs, often at the expense of others. If you feel drained or disregarded after interactions, you might be dealing with someone who is extremely self-centered. Here are 15 signs to help you recognize it.
They Always Talk About Themselves
No matter what the conversation starts with, it somehow circles back to them. You could be talking about your sick relative, a project you’re proud of, or even a personal crisis, and they’ll find a way to insert their own story. It’s not just about being chatty; it’s about their need to stay at the center of attention at all times. They rarely ask follow-up questions and seem uninterested unless it directly involves them.
They Rarely Show Gratitude
Selfish people often act like they’re owed your time, effort, or kindness. When you do something helpful, they might give a short, half-hearted “thanks” or skip it altogether. Instead of appreciation, you might even get criticism if your help wasn’t exactly how they wanted it. This lack of gratitude can leave you feeling taken for granted and unappreciated.
They Keep Score, But Only When It Benefits Them
They remember every good deed they’ve done for you, often reminding you in subtle or obvious ways. But when the roles are reversed, your support mysteriously slips from their memory. If you bring it up, they’ll act like you’re being petty. Their version of fairness always seems to lean in their favor, and they use this selective memory to justify more selfish behavior.
They Make Everything About Them, Even Your Problems
When you open up about something difficult, they manage to redirect the conversation to their own experiences. It might sound like empathy at first, but the focus shifts so quickly that your needs are forgotten. Instead of offering support, they hijack the moment to talk about themselves. It leaves you feeling even more alone than before.
They Only Show Up When It’s Convenient
You’ll notice they’re around when things are fun or when they need something from you. But when you need support, they’re suddenly too busy or unreachable. They prioritize their own comfort and schedule, and helping others doesn’t rank high unless there’s something in it for them. You might feel like you’re constantly giving, while they only take.
They Don’t Respect Boundaries
When you try to set limits, they either ignore it or make you feel guilty. They might push you to explain yourself or act wounded by your boundaries. This kind of behavior shows they believe their needs are more important than your right to protect your time and energy.
They Manipulate Through Guilt or Flattery
If direct requests don’t work, they’ll guilt-trip you by acting hurt or disappointed. Other times, they’ll shower you with praise or charm to soften you up and get what they want. It’s not about genuine emotion. It’s about controlling your response so you’ll give in. Once they get what they want, the kindness often disappears.
They Take Credit But Avoid Responsibility
When things go well, they’re quick to claim the spotlight, even if your contribution was equal or greater. But when something goes wrong, they either blame others or make excuses. They have a hard time admitting fault because they’re more concerned with their image than accountability. This can be especially frustrating in work or group settings.
They Disregard Your Feelings
When you express that something upset you, they often react with irritation or mockery instead of empathy. They might accuse you of being dramatic, oversensitive, or even selfish for bringing it up. In their mind, your emotions are inconvenient and secondary to their own comfort. Over time, this can make you question the validity of your feelings and stop speaking up altogether.
They Expect Special Treatment
Selfish individuals often carry an unspoken belief that they deserve more than others. They might demand leniency from rules, insist on the best seats, expect to be served first, or become irate when asked to wait their turn. In relationships, this can translate to expecting constant praise, forgiveness without change, or freedom to act without consequences.
They’re Quick to Take, Slow to Give
They never hesitate to ask for your time, energy, or resources. If you say no, they might act disappointed, offended, or even accuse you of not caring. Yet when you need something, they suddenly become too busy or conveniently forget. They might help you occasionally, but only in ways that cost them little or boost their image. They may also expect recognition or repayment even when you didn’t ask for their help. It’s rarely, if ever, a fair exchange.
They Compete Instead of Support
In healthy relationships, people cheer each other on. But selfish people often feel threatened by your success. Instead of celebrating your wins, they shift the focus to themselves. If you get a promotion, they’ll tell you how they’re aiming for something even better. If you’re struggling, they’ll talk about how they’ve had it worse. They view relationships as zero-sum games where one person’s gain means their own loss.
They Use Others as Tools
To them, relationships are functional, not emotional. They maintain contact with people based on usefulness — whether that’s for money, social status, favors, or attention. You may notice they act warm and attentive when they want something, then become distant or indifferent once they’ve gotten it. They might also suddenly reconnect after a long silence with a request attached.
They’re Not Truly Sorry When They Hurt You
Apologies, when they happen, are shallow and often delivered with a side of blame. Phrases like “I’m sorry you feel that way” or “I didn’t mean it like that” shift the focus onto your reaction rather than their behavior. They may even twist the narrative to make you feel guilty for being upset. There’s rarely any reflection, accountability, or change. A genuine apology requires vulnerability and humility, which are the two traits selfish people often lack.
They Drain Your Energy
Spending time with them feels more like work than connection. You leave conversations feeling emotionally exhausted, not uplifted. You might find yourself constantly walking on eggshells, managing their moods, or giving pep talks while receiving nothing in return. You become the emotional caretaker in the relationship, which can be incredibly taxing over time. Instead of reciprocity, you’re met with demands, passive aggression, or subtle guilt.
