Jace Lamonica
No one really gives you the full picture. You kind of stumble into it—one day, you’re saying goodbye at the airport, the next, you’re fixing the leaky sink alone and trying not to cry over a voice message. Being a military wife is strange, quiet, and tough. It’s a life full of love, waiting, and figuring it out as you go.
The First Deployment Will Gut You
You can read all the checklists and brace yourself, but nothing prepares you for that first long goodbye. The silence afterward is heavy. Nights feel longer. Little things feel bigger. You’ll miss the mundane parts most. It’s rough and raw. But you figure it out because you have to—and somehow, you do.
They Don’t Get Easier, You Just Get Smarter
Every deployment still hits hard, no matter how many you’ve been through. The worry creeps in, the routine gets disrupted, and your nerves fray. But with each one, you get better at coping. You’ve got systems, support, and ways to calm the chaos. It still hurts, but now you know how to carry it.
The Next Move Is Always On Your Mind
You spend months speculating about your next duty station while you’re still unpacking from the last one. Should you rent or buy? Will the schools be any good? The planning never stops. There’s always another possible relocation in the air, and that makes it hard to fully settle anywhere, no matter how nice the town is.
You’ll Memorize Zip Codes You Never Lived In
Background checks or job applications will ask for your address history, and suddenly, your brain turns to mush. Was it North Carolina before or after El Paso? You’ll need folders, emails, or military documents to keep track. Over time, your personal timeline gets tied to zip codes instead of years, and it gets confusing fast.
Your ID Card Becomes Your Lifeline
Without it, you can’t get on base, shop at the commissary, or access healthcare. You’ll try to hand your license to the gate guard and realize it’s the wrong card. It’s like your second wallet, and losing it makes your whole day unravel. You’ll learn quickly to keep it within reach at all times.
Base Housing Comes With Rules You Didn’t Expect
Leave your trash can out too long or forget to trim the grass, and someone might leave a cheerful violation notice on your door. Living in military housing means following some oddly specific rules. You’ll end up memorizing them and probably warning your new neighbors about stroller placement and recycling bins.
Acronyms Will Invade Your Brain
At first, it’s alphabet soup—TDY, PCS, LES—but before long, you’re casually tossing them into everyday conversation. You’ll forget that not everyone knows what DEERS or BAH means. Military life has its own shorthand, and like it or not, you’ll start speaking it fluently, especially when explaining things to new spouses or dealing with paperwork.
Friendships Often End As Fast As They Start
You’ll meet someone at a BBQ or playgroup, click instantly, and then they’re gone two months later. Moves happen fast. So you dive in deep, skip the surface stuff, and bond like you’ve known each other for years. It hurts every time someone leaves, but these friendships are real—and worth it every single time.
Your Tax Appointment Will Feel Like A Game Show
Doing taxes with military pay, special deductions, and residency quirks feels like spinning a wheel and hoping it lands on “no audit.” The base tax center is helpful, but the rules are complicated. You’ll walk in with a folder full of documents and still leave second-guessing everything. It’s nerve-wracking but somehow also routine.
You’ll Drive Forever For A Few Hours Together
A five-hour drive for a two-hour visit? Totally normal. When your partner is training or stationed nearby, any time together feels like gold. You’ll rearrange your life just to see them, even briefly. Gas stations become familiar landmarks, and you’ll swear you could make the drive with your eyes closed. It’s exhausting but worth every mile.
Underemployment Is Practically A Given
Even if you have a degree or a killer resume, you’ll likely end up underemployed or job-hopping. Employers hesitate when they see your address history. Licensing doesn’t transfer easily between states. And remote gigs aren’t always available. Many military spouses face unemployment rates much higher than average, not because of skill but because of constant relocation.
You’ll Master The Art Of The Polite Smile
People will say things like, “I could never do what you do,” or ask if you’re scared he’ll get hurt. It’s awkward. You’ll smile, nod, and choose whether to explain or change the subject. Grace becomes second nature. Most people mean well, but you get good at filtering comments without losing your cool.
Homecoming Isn’t Always What You Imagined
Sure, it’s emotional and beautiful, but also unexpectedly awkward. You’ve changed. They’ve changed. At first, it’s a rush of hugs and kisses, but then you’re figuring out how to be together again. It’s like falling in love with someone familiar but different. It takes time to settle back in, and that’s completely normal.
Something Always Breaks During Deployment
It’s like clockwork. As soon as they leave, something goes wrong—leaky faucet, car trouble, toddler meltdown. It feels personal, but it’s weirdly common. Every spouse has a “deployment curse” story. You become a part-time plumber and tech support, all while counting down the days. It’s tough, but you power through.
The Commissary Isn’t Always A Steal
You’ll save on breakfast and snacks, but don’t expect miracles. Produce can be hit or miss, and expired items sneak onto shelves. You go for the discount, but half the time, you’re tossing soggy strawberries. It’s a mixed bag, literally. Sometimes, it’s worth it; other times, you’re heading to the regular store anyway.
Your Closest Friends Will Live Hours Away
Over time, your best friends won’t be next door. They’ll be in different states—or countries. Texts and voice notes keep you going. You plan reunions months out. It’s hard, but military spouse friendships are deep and lasting, even at a distance. They get your world without needing a long explanation, and that’s everything.
Talking About Risk Comes Early
Military life means serious talks early on. Before most couples even think about wills, you’re already reviewing SGLI policies and next-of-kin info. It’s uncomfortable but necessary. When your partner’s job involves real risk, those conversations matter. You do it not because you’re pessimistic but because love sometimes means preparing for the unthinkable.
Something Special Will Get Broken During A Move
You’ll wrap it three times, label it “fragile,” and still find it cracked at your new place. Movers do their best, but things happen. Whether it’s a handmade ornament or grandma’s teapot, there’s always one item that doesn’t survive. The emotional sting hits harder than the physical damage. It’s a weird little heartbreak.
Civilians Will Sometimes Miss The Point
You’ll try explaining your life to civilian friends, and it’ll go over their heads. Things like waiting on orders or not knowing where you’ll live next sound strange to people with more stability. It’s not their fault—they mean well. But over time, you learn who gets it and who’s worth explaining it to.
The Family Readiness Group Might Save Your Sanity
They don’t always have the best reputation, but when stuff hits the fan, FRGs come through. Whether it’s about updates during deployment, meals after surgery, or a last-minute babysitter, that network can be a lifeline. Not every group is great, but when you find one that works, it’s like having backup built into your life.
