Jace Lamonica
Some words sting more than we realize, especially when memory starts to fade. People with Alzheimer’s might forget names or places, but they never forget how you made them feel. These ten phrases, while often unintentional, can cut deep. Knowing what not to say? That’s one powerful way to truly show up.
You Already Told Me That
Sounds harmless, right? But it lands like a slap. They’re not repeating stories to annoy you; it’s their reality. Instead of calling it out, laugh at the tale like it’s brand new. You’re not being fake. You’re meeting them in their moment, and that’s real.
Remember When You Used To?
This phrase feels like a pop quiz, and no one likes failing. You mean well, but it might make them shrink. Flip it around. Share the memory yourself and bring it to life like a favorite old movie. If they remember, great. If not, they’ll feel the joy anyway.
You Don’t Know Who I Am?
That moment of blankness can sting, especially when you’re hoping for just a hint of recognition. But don’t pull away. Softly say your name with a smile, mention where you met, or share something they used to enjoy. You might be surprised at how memories can still resurface when given the right nudge.
You’re Just Being Difficult
They’re not acting out, nor are they trying to frustrate you. Their brain’s wiring has changed, and that can show up as fear, confusion, or silence. Instead of snapping, breathe, then meet them where they are. Sometimes, the kindest move is just lowering your volume, not your expectations.
You’re Confused Again
That one word, “again,” turns a tough moment into a shame spiral. They’re already struggling; pointing it out adds weight. Shift the focus with a soft laugh or a gentle nudge toward something light. Confusion doesn’t need a spotlight; it needs warmth in disguise.
Why Can’t You Just Try Harder
This one stings like lemon in a paper cut. It seems like they’re not putting in effort, when really, their brain is working overtime just to keep up. Encouragement should feel like a hug, not a shove so think less “push” and more “let’s do this together.”
I Already Explained This
They’ve already forgotten—not to upset you or play games, but because their memory is unsteady. Pointing it out can turn a simple moment into a courtroom scene. Say it again like you’re kindly guiding someone who missed a simple turn on their walk.
You Just Asked Me That
You’re exhausted, and they’re confused, with tension building between you. But saying this phrase only makes it worse. Try responding as if it’s the first time, offering the reassurance they need. They’re not testing your patience; their mind is simply jumping between moments, and you’re helping them find solid ground again.
You’re Not Making Any Sense
Funny thing is, in their world, you might be the one off. Alzheimer’s mixes memories, jumbling time and places. Correcting them only amplifies the confusion. Instead, embrace the moment with curiosity, not correction, and treat it like improv where logic takes a break and anything goes.
That’s Not How It Happened
You remember it differently, and that’s okay. But trying to change their version won’t bring you peace. Their memories may be pieced together from fragments, but that story is real to them. Unless it’s harmful, let it be. Laughter shared is far more important than accuracy.
