Lisa O
Marriage is often romanticized as a lifelong love story filled with joy, love, and unconditional support. While that can absolutely be true, there are also parts of marriage that no one really talks about before you walk down the aisle. Here are 15 things about marriage that might surprise you—before and after you say ‘I do.’
Love Changes Over Time—and That’s Okay
The butterflies, the excitement, the passion—it won’t always feel the same. Love in marriage evolves. Some days, it’s overwhelming affection; other days, it’s just routine companionship. The key is recognizing that love isn’t always about intensity—it’s also about commitment, effort, and showing up even when it’s not thrilling.
You’ll Have the Same Argument More Than Once
Some disagreements never fully disappear. You might argue about money, chores, or family dynamics multiple times throughout your marriage. It’s not about eliminating conflict—it’s about learning how to navigate it better over time. The healthiest marriages aren’t conflict-free; they’re just better at managing disagreements.
You Don’t Marry Just One Person—You Marry Multiple Versions of Them
People change. The person you marry at 25 won’t be the exact same person at 40. They’ll grow, evolve, and shift in ways you never predicted, and so will you. The trick isn’t finding someone who will stay the same—it’s choosing to love and support each other through those changes.
Marriage Is Less About Romance and More About Teamwork
Marriage isn’t a never-ending rom-com. There will be days when it feels more like a business partnership—managing bills, housework, schedules, and responsibilities. The happiest couples understand that teamwork is just as important as love, and sometimes, practical support matters more than grand gestures.
Attraction Ebbs and Flows—But Emotional Connection Is What Lasts
There will be phases where you don’t feel as physically connected, and that’s normal. Attraction can fade and reignite in cycles. What keeps a marriage strong isn’t just physical chemistry—it’s emotional intimacy, deep conversations, laughter, and choosing to stay close even when life gets stressful.
Some of Your Pet Peeves Will Get Worse
That little habit that mildly annoyed you while dating? It might drive you up the wall after a few years of marriage. Small habits like how they load the dishwasher or leave socks on the floor can become big sources of frustration. The secret? Choose your battles, and let go of the small stuff.
Your Marriage Will Go Through Boring Phases
Not every season of marriage is exciting. Some stretches will feel repetitive—work, bills, dinner, sleep, repeat. And that’s okay. Long-term commitment isn’t about chasing constant excitement; it’s about finding meaning in everyday moments and trusting that the excitement will return in its own time.
External Stressors Will Test Your Relationship
Jobs, family drama, financial struggles, health issues—outside stressors will impact your marriage more than you expect. Love alone doesn’t shield you from stress, but strong communication and emotional support can help you get through the hardest moments together instead of letting them drive you apart.
You’ll Have Moments of Doubt
There will be days when you wonder if you made the right choice. This doesn’t mean your marriage is failing; it just means you’re human. Commitment isn’t about never questioning. It’s also about choosing to stay and work through those moments rather than letting doubt define your relationship.
Marriage Is a Choice You Make Every Single Day
Marriage isn’t a one-time promise; it’s a daily decision. Some days, love feels effortless, and other days, it takes real work. The strongest marriages aren’t the ones without struggles—they’re the ones where both people keep showing up, choosing each other, and growing together through the ups and downs.
Your Relationship with Yourself Still Matters
Marriage doesn’t mean losing your individuality. It’s easy to get wrapped up in the “we” and forget about the “me.” A strong marriage includes two people who continue to grow as individuals, maintain their own interests, and take care of their own mental and emotional well-being.
Your Partner Won’t Meet All Your Emotional Needs
One person can’t be your everything. Expecting your spouse to fulfill every emotional, social, and intellectual need is unrealistic. Healthy marriages allow room for outside friendships, hobbies, and support systems so that both partners feel balanced instead of overwhelmed by impossible expectations.
Intimacy Isn’t Just About Physical Affection
Physical closeness is important, but emotional and mental intimacy matter just as much—if not more. Small moments of connection, like inside jokes, deep talks, and simply feeling seen and understood, build a foundation that keeps a marriage strong even when life gets busy or stressful.
You’ll Both Go Through Personal Struggles That Affect the Marriage
There will be phases where one or both of you struggle—mentally, emotionally, or physically. Whether it’s job loss, grief, burnout, or personal identity shifts, your marriage will be tested. Being able to support each other through difficult times will define how strong your relationship really is.
Some Things Will Never Be 50/50—And That’s Normal
No matter how much you try to split responsibilities equally, there will be times when one person is carrying more of the weight. Sometimes one of you will be giving 80% while the other can only manage 20%, and that’s okay—as long as the balance shifts back over time.
