Lisa O
As women get older, their idea of love changes. The games lose their charm. The guessing stops being fun. What they want becomes clearer—and what they won’t accept becomes non-negotiable. They’ve been through enough to recognize red flags early and trust their gut. It’s not about being jaded. It’s about choosing peace over patterns that once drained them.
Being someone’s emotional crutch.
They’ve helped carry people through hard times. Supported without complaint. But over time, they learned that doing all the emotional lifting leaves nothing for themselves. These days, they won’t keep fixing what someone won’t take responsibility for. They want a relationship where both people show up fully. If they’re always the strong one, it stops being love—it starts feeling like work.
Mixed signals and guessing games.
They’re not decoding anything anymore. If someone’s into them, it has to be clear. They’ve spent too much time reading between the lines and wondering what silence means. Now, they want people who say what they mean and mean what they say. No mystery, no confusion—just honesty. If they’re left guessing, they’re leaving.
Being made to feel “too much”.
They’ve been told they’re too loud, too sensitive, too everything. But what they’ve realized is that the right person won’t see them as “too much”—they’ll see them as just right. They won’t keep explaining their feelings to someone who can’t handle depth. If someone can’t sit with emotion, they’d rather sit alone. They know now that their fullness isn’t a flaw—it’s their strength.
Inconsistent effort.
They’ve seen how people act when they care. So when someone sends mixed messages or only shows up when it suits them, they step back. A quick reply and a last-minute plan won’t impress them. They want something steady. Effort that doesn’t disappear after the honeymoon phase. If it feels like they’re always waiting, they stop waiting altogether.
Disrespect in any form.
They don’t raise their voice. They don’t beg for better. If someone speaks over them, mocks them, or makes them feel small, they notice—and they leave. They’ve learned that peace is better than being with someone who chips away at their self-worth. Respect is the baseline, not a bonus. If someone can’t offer that, they don’t get a second chance.
Being someone’s secret.
They’re not asking to be posted everywhere. But if someone hides them, keeps things vague, or refuses to introduce them to people—they’re out. They don’t need to be shown off, but they won’t be hidden either. They’re looking for love that stands in the light, not one that hides in the shadows. If it’s real, it should be proud, not private.
Emotional unavailability.
They’ve waited for people to open up. Given space and been patient. But now, they know that a real connection can’t be one-sided. If someone keeps their walls up or avoids vulnerability, they stop trying to scale them. They want a partner who’s emotionally present—not one they have to chase for honesty. They’re not afraid of deep—they’re afraid of pretending.
Constant criticism.
They’ve been through enough to know when someone’s slowly tearing them down. It doesn’t have to be loud or cruel—sometimes it’s the little comments. The jokes that sting. The way someone always has a suggestion for how they could be better. They’re not doing that anymore. They’re not looking for someone who wants to change them. They want to be loved as they are, without the constant feeling that they’re not quite enough.
Being the only one trying.
They used to be the ones keeping things alive. Reaching out. Making plans. Holding space for two. But love shouldn’t feel like a solo job. Now, if the effort’s one-sided, they stop showing up. They won’t beg for attention or affection. If it isn’t mutual, it isn’t meaningful. And they no longer try to convince someone to care.
People who fear their strength.
They’ve outgrown people who feel threatened by their success. If someone can’t handle ambition or confidence, they’re not the right match. They want someone who’s proud to stand beside them, not someone who competes or criticizes. Their strength isn’t something they hide anymore. It’s something they lead with—and if that scares someone, so be it.
Lack of accountability.
They’ve stopped hoping someone will grow if they don’t want to. If mistakes are followed by more excuses, they don’t stick around. Growth matters more than an apology. They look for people who say, “That was on me,” and show that they mean it. If someone keeps doing the same thing and blaming others, they’re done listening.
Feeling like a project.
They’re not here to be fixed. They’re not looking for someone to improve them. They’ve worked hard to become who they are—and they like her. If someone comes in with a list of things they want changed, they won’t stay long. They’re looking for a partner, not a critic. Someone who embraces the full picture, not just the parts they find convenient.
People who don’t listen.
They know what it feels like to talk and be dismissed. To say something important and get silence in return. Now, they pay attention to how someone listens. Are they present? Do they remember? Do they care? If not, they stop talking. Being heard is a basic need—not a luxury. And they won’t stay in a place where their voice doesn’t matter.
Excuses over action.
They don’t care what someone wanted to do. They care what they actually did. Promises don’t hold weight anymore—behavior does. If someone says the right things but never follows through, they stop giving second chances. Love isn’t about good intentions. It’s about showing up. And if someone can’t deliver, they stop expecting them to.
Settling for less than they deserve.
This is the biggest shift of all. They’ve stayed in places that didn’t feel right. They’ve made excuses for people who gave them half of what they needed. But now? They know better. They want the real thing. Not perfect—but honest, steady, kind. If they have to choose between almost love and being alone, they choose themselves every time.
