Lisa O
Turning 40 isn’t just another birthday—it’s a wake-up call for many people. You’ve seen enough to know what works and what doesn’t and it’s time to stop putting up with things that drain your energy, waste your time, or hold you back. Here are 15 things that you shouldn’t tolerate after 40.
Toxic Relationships
By now, you’ve probably had your fair share of one-sided friendships, exhausting family drama, or relationships that left you feeling more drained than fulfilled. Whether it’s a friend who only calls when they need something, a partner who never shows up for you emotionally, or a family member who guilt-trips you into doing things their way, you don’t have to keep them around just because of history.
Neglecting Your Health
When you were younger, you might have been able to get away with skipping meals, ignoring minor health issues, or not exercising, but your body won’t tolerate that forever. Ignoring your health now will only make things harder for you in the long run. Small problems can turn into bigger ones if you don’t take care of yourself, and no one else can do it for you.
Not Getting Enough Sleep
There was a time when pulling all-nighters, running on caffeine, and functioning on four hours of sleep felt totally normal, but that’s not sustainable as you get older. Sleep affects your mood, memory, immune system, and even weight, so now’s the right time to invest in a better mattress, create a relaxing bedtime routine, or stop using your phone before bed.
Saying Yes When You Want to Say No
Saying yes when you’d rather say no only leads to stress, resentment, and burnout at this age. You don’t owe anyone any kind of explanation for setting boundaries and protecting your time, so it’s okay to decline if something doesn’t align with your needs, schedule, or priorities. The people who genuinely respect you will understand, and those who don’t were never really considering your feelings in the first place.
Unfulfilling Work
We know that no job is perfect, and every career requires determination, but if going to the office feels like a struggle every day and you can’t even remember the last time you enjoyed your work, it’s time to start thinking about your next move. You can switch careers or do a side hustle, but don’t sell yourself short because you deserve to wake up excited about what you do or at least feel like your work matters and brings you some satisfaction.
Holding Onto Grudges
It’s natural to feel angry, betrayed, or even bitter when someone hurts you. But holding onto that resentment doesn’t do anything to them as they’re completely unaware (or uninterested) in how much it still bothers you. Meanwhile, you’re carrying all that weight, replaying old conversations in your head, and feeling frustrated every time their name comes up. So, just let it go for yourself.
Living in Clutter
You might not think that a messy space affects you much, but take a look around—do you feel relaxed, or do you feel like your to-do list is staring at you from every corner of the room? Clutter has a way of making life feel more chaotic than it needs to be. And no, you don’t have to throw everything out and become a minimalist overnight, but start small.
Ignoring Your Passions
The things that once made you excited—dancing, painting, playing music, writing, or even just reading—start to fade into the background as you age, but ignoring your passion means losing a piece of yourself. If something makes you happy, make time for it. Your responsibilities will always be there, but so should the things that make life feel meaningful.
Not Saving for the Future
It’s easy to put off saving money when there’s always something else to spend it on—bills, unexpected expenses, or just enjoying life. But financial stress is one of the worst kinds of stress, and the only way to avoid it down the line is to start preparing now. It’s not about becoming obsessed with money; it’s about making sure you’re not constantly worried about it.
Accepting Poor Treatment
You don’t have to put up with being ignored, belittled, or taken for granted just to keep the peace or avoid confrontation because the longer you allow it, the harder it becomes to break free from that cycle. Standing up for yourself doesn’t mean you’re being difficult or overreacting; it means you know your worth and refuse to settle for anything less than what you deserve.
One-Sided Friendships
Friendships should be about mutual support, not one person always making an effort and the other doing absolutely nothing. If you’re the one always reaching out, checking on your best friend, or offering help while getting nothing in return—it’s a one-sided burden (not real friendship). If someone doesn’t value your time and presence, it’s okay to let them go.
Not Speaking Up for Yourself
If you’ve spent a big part of your life avoiding conflict, letting things slide even when you were upset, or staying quiet when something (or someone) bothers you, it’s time to stop. Your feelings, thoughts, and opinions are just as important as anyone else’s, and keeping them bottled up doesn’t help anyone—especially you. Whether at work, in relationships, or in everyday situations, you deserve to be heard.
Comparing Yourself to Others
It’s easy to look around (especially on Instagram post or TikTok video) and feel like everyone else has life figured out while you’re still struggling. But most people only show the best parts of their lives—no one’s posting about their bad days, how they failed at something, or the moments when they feel completely lost. Constantly measuring yourself against others is a guaranteed way to feel like you’re not enough, even when you are.
Neglecting Your Mental Health
You wouldn’t ignore a broken leg and expect it to heal on its own, so why do the same with your mental health? Stress, anxiety, and emotional exhaustion don’t just disappear because you push them aside—they build up until they become too much to handle. If you always feel drained, overwhelmed, or like you’re just going through the motions, that’s your mind waving a red flag.
Thinking It’s Too Late
If you’ve ever told yourself, “I’m too old to do that,” stop right there. It’s never too late to switch careers, find love again, travel the world, learn something new, or change your life. Time is going to pass anyway, so you might as well spend it doing something that excites you. The worst thing you can do is look back years from now and realize you held yourself back for no reason.
