Lisa O
Interfaith couples often face unique challenges in their relationships. While curiosity is natural, some questions or comments can be unintentionally hurtful or even offensive. Here are 15 things you should avoid saying to interfaith couples.
“How does that even work?”
Interfaith relationships work like any other—through love, respect, and communication. Assuming they can’t succeed undermines their effort to balance their beliefs. Instead of questioning their compatibility, recognize that their relationship is a testament to understanding and compromise, often bridging gaps that many people would shy away from navigating.
“Which religion will your kids follow?”
This is an intensely personal decision that couples make based on their shared values and priorities. Assuming they haven’t thought about it or pressuring them to choose a side is intrusive. Many interfaith couples focus on raising children with an understanding of both faiths, teaching respect and inclusivity from an early age.
“Doesn’t that cause a lot of arguments?”
All couples argue, but assuming faith differences automatically lead to conflict oversimplifies their relationship. Many interfaith couples are doing great because they actively work to understand each other’s perspectives. They often learn valuable communication skills, turning potential disagreements into opportunities for growth and deeper connection.
“Aren’t you worried about your families?”
While family reactions can be a challenge, many interfaith couples find that love ultimately wins over initial hesitations. Families often grow to appreciate the diversity and depth their loved one’s partner brings to the table. It’s also not anyone else’s place to speculate on their family dynamics.
“Why didn’t you just marry someone from your own religion?”
This comment reduces their love to a matter of convenience. Relationships aren’t about sticking to a checklist—they’re about connection and shared values. Suggesting they should’ve chosen differently implies their love is less valid or thoughtful, which can come across as both hurtful and dismissive.
“Who had to give up their beliefs?”
Interfaith couples don’t always require one partner to abandon their faith. Many successfully blend or coexist with their traditions, creating a relationship enriched by both perspectives. Assuming one must “sacrifice” reduces their love story to a compromise, ignoring the creativity and mutual respect that often define their bond.
“Isn’t that against your religion?”
Faith is very personal, and people interpret and practice it in diverse ways. Assuming you know their religion better than they do is presumptuous and can feel judgmental. Their relationship reflects their individual spiritual journeys, which aren’t for anyone else to critique or define.
“Do you celebrate each other’s holidays?”
While this may seem like a harmless question, it can feel like you’re treating their relationship as a cultural experiment. Many interfaith couples do celebrate each other’s traditions, but not out of obligation—it’s about sharing joy and meaning. Focus on their shared happiness, not the specifics of their celebrations.
“Don’t you think it will confuse the kids?”
Raising children in an interfaith household can be a gift, offering them a rich understanding of diversity. It’s not about confusion but education. Children raised in such environments often develop empathy, cultural awareness, and the ability to navigate differences—skills that are invaluable in today’s interconnected world.
“What do your parents think about this?”
Asking about parental opinions can feel intrusive and imply that the couple needs approval to validate their relationship. Even if family challenges exist, it’s their journey to navigate. Instead, focus on their partnership and respect their boundaries regarding private family matters.
“So, who’s converting?”
Not all interfaith relationships involve conversion, and assuming otherwise can feel dismissive of their individuality. Many couples maintain their separate faiths while building a shared life. Instead of focusing on conversion, celebrate the strength it takes to honor both beliefs within a single relationship.
“Do you ever argue about whose faith is right?”
This question reduces faith to a competition, which most interfaith couples work hard to avoid. Healthy relationships are built on respect and understanding, not debates about superiority. Instead of assuming conflict, appreciate their ability to find harmony in their differences—a skill many relationships strive for.
“Aren’t you afraid of judgment from others?”
Interfaith couples are often well aware of societal judgments, but they choose love over fear. Highlighting potential negativity only adds unnecessary pressure. Instead, support their courage and celebrate their commitment to one another despite external challenges. Their relationship is a testament to resilience and hope.
“It must be so hard to make it work.”
This comment may sound sympathetic, but it often comes across as patronizing. All relationships require effort, and interfaith couples are no exception. Rather than focusing on perceived difficulties, admire their ability to overcome obstacles and build a strong, loving partnership that bridges cultural or religious divides.
“I could never do that.”
While you might think you’re complimenting their strength, this comment often sounds dismissive. It can come across as “Your relationship is too complicated for me to understand.” Instead, acknowledge their dedication and learn from their example of embracing differences to create something beautiful.
