Lisa O
First dates can be exciting, awkward, or a mix of both. What you say can make or break the conversation. While honesty is important (you don’t want to begin something with a lie), some topics and phrases are best avoided—at least in the beginning. Here’s what NOT to say if you want a second date!
“So, why are you still single?”
You might think this is a compliment, but it puts your date in an awkward position. What are they supposed to say? “Because everyone I meet asks me this question, and it kills the mood?” Instead of making them feel like they have to justify their relationship history, ask something that actually helps you get to know them: “What do you enjoy doing in your free time?”
“My ex used to…”
It doesn’t matter if you’re praising or complaining—bringing up your ex is a first-date no-go. No one wants to feel like they’re being compared to someone from your past. Even a seemingly innocent “Oh, my ex and I used to go to this restaurant all the time!” can make things awkward. First dates should be about forming new connections, not revisiting old ones.
“How much do you make?”
Unless you’re both accountants who bond over tax season, money talk is best saved for later. Asking about someone’s salary on a first date can make you seem shallow, nosy, or like you’re sizing them up financially. Plus, it forces your date into a weird spot—do they downplay their success or risk sounding arrogant? If you’re curious about their career, try “What do you enjoy most about your job?”
“I Googled you before this.”
Let’s be real—most people do a little pre-date social media stalking. But admitting it? That’s a one-way ticket to Creepy Town. Imagine hearing, “I saw your vacation pics from 2018. Looked fun!” You don’t want your date wondering how deep you scrolled. Instead, let the conversation flow naturally. If something comes up that you already know from your research, pretend it’s the first time you’re hearing it. It keeps the mystery alive.
“I’m not really looking for anything serious.”
If you’re just in it for a casual fling, that’s totally fine—but this conversation should happen before the date, not during it. Imagine sitting across from someone who’s hoping for a real connection, only to hear, “Yeah, I’m just seeing where things go.” If you’re not sure what you want yet, that’s okay too. Just focus on enjoying the date rather than setting expectations that might disappoint the other person.
“I usually don’t date people like you.”
This never comes across as flattering, even if you think it does. Saying, “I usually go for blondes!” or “I don’t usually date people in your profession, but I’m giving it a shot!” makes it sound like your date is some sort of exception to your preferences. Instead, focus on what you do like about them. A simple “You seem really interesting” is way better than making them feel outside your so-called “type.”
“You look different from your pictures.”
Whether you mean this in a good way or a bad way, just don’t say it. Even if you think they look better in person, pointing out any difference makes your date self-conscious. If their photos were misleading, you can process that privately. If they weren’t, and you just phrased it badly, congrats—you’ve just made things awkward for no reason. Instead, stick with a classic “It’s great to finally meet you!”
“I still live with my ex… but it’s not weird.”
Nope. There’s no way to spin this into something that sounds not weird. Even if your living situation is totally innocent, saying this on a first date makes it seem like you haven’t moved on. Your date will immediately wonder how “over” your last relationship is. If you do have an unusual living situation, you don’t have to lie—don’t bring it up right away. There are way better topics to start with than “So, my ex and I are roommates.”
“I love you.”
Unless this is a rom-com and you’re starring in a scene where you’ve secretly loved this person for years, do not drop the L-word on a first date. Even if you really feel a spark, love takes time. Declaring it too soon can make you seem intense, desperate, or like you fall for everyone this fast. Instead, if you’re feeling the connection, try: “I’m really enjoying this date.”
“Marriage and kids—what’s your timeline?”
If you’re looking for a serious relationship, that’s great! However, firing off a life-planning questionnaire within the first hour of meeting someone can feel overwhelming. Instead of asking, “How many kids do you want?” before the appetizers even arrive, let the conversation flow naturally. If long-term compatibility is important to you, there will be time to discuss it.
“I don’t really have any hobbies.”
Saying you have no hobbies makes you sound, well… boring. Even if you’re a homebody, you definitely enjoy something—music, movies, food, or even just scrolling on TikTok. Instead of shutting down the conversation, try: “I haven’t gotten into a hobby lately, but I love trying new things.” That makes you sound open-minded instead of uninterested in life.
“Are you sure you want to eat that?”
Commenting on what your date is eating is a fast way to kill the mood. Whether it’s about portion size, health, or diet trends, just don’t go there. Even a joke like, “Wow, you’re really going for it with that burger!” can come off as judgmental. Let people enjoy their food without making them second-guess every bite.
“I’m kind of a big deal.”
Confidence is great. Arrogance? Not so much. If you spend the whole date talking about your job, your achievements, or how everyone wants to date you, your date will lose interest fast. A better approach? Share your passions without turning them into a brag-fest. Let them ask about your accomplishments rather than handing them a highlight reel.
“I’m friends with all my exes.”
Staying on good terms with exes is fine, but bringing it up on a first date raises eyebrows. Your date doesn’t need a full rundown of your past relationships or a list of all your exes who totally still text you. Instead, focus on the present. If they ask about past relationships, keep it short and positive without making it sound like your exes are still a huge part of your life.
“Sorry, I was texting someone.”
Unless it’s an emergency, constantly checking your phone screams disinterest. Even a quick glance mid-conversation can make your date feel like they’re competing for your attention. If you must check a message, be upfront: “Sorry, I just need to respond to this really quickly.” Then, put your phone away and give your date the attention they deserve.
“I don’t believe in therapy.”
Mental health is a personal topic, but dismissing therapy outright can make you seem close-minded. Even if you don’t personally go to therapy, being open to the idea of self-improvement is important. Instead of shutting the conversation down, try: “I haven’t tried it, but I know it really helps a lot of people.” That way, you don’t alienate your date if they do believe in it.
“Can we split the bill? I forgot my wallet.”
Forgetting your wallet on a first date? Not a good look. Whether you split the bill, take turns paying, or have another arrangement, plan ahead so there’s no awkward money moment. If you genuinely forgot, be honest: “I feel awful, but I completely forgot my wallet. I’ll definitely cover next time if you’re up for another date!” That way, you show accountability instead of making it seem like you were hoping for a free meal.
“I hate dating.”
Even if you’re exhausted by bad dates, don’t dump that frustration on someone new. Saying, “Dating is the worst. I’m so sick of this.” makes your date feel like just another failed attempt instead of someone you’re actually excited to meet. Instead, shift your mindset—this is a fresh start, not another disappointment waiting to happen.
“Let’s go to my place after this.”
Unless the chemistry is really strong, this can come off as pushy. Even if you’re hoping the night doesn’t end just yet, there’s a better way to suggest it. Try: “I’m really enjoying this—want to grab another drink somewhere?” That keeps things open-ended without making your date feel pressured.
“You remind me of someone…”
Even if you mean it as a compliment, this can feel weirdly impersonal. Your date wants to feel special, not like a copy of your ex, your sibling, or some actor you can’t quite place. Instead of making them wonder who they’re being compared to, focus on what makes them interesting.
