Lifestyle
20 Things Not to Say to a Loved One Leaving the Church
When a loved one decides to leave the church, it’s natural to feel a mix of emotions. However, know that your response can build a bridge or create a wall. Some phrases can cause more harm than good, no matter what your intention is. Here are 20 things not to say to a loved one leaving the church —and why they can hurt more than help.
“Is there a sin in your life that you need to confess?”
While it may come from a place of real concern, this question puts your loved one on the defensive. Instead of opening a conversation, it shuts it down. Imagine asking someone why they quit a job and starting with, “Did you get fired for stealing?” Sounds seriously bad, right? Leaving the church is a deeply personal decision—treat it as such.
“It sounds like you are giving way to temptation and worldly culture.”
The world is full of different viewpoints. Assuming someone is simply falling into temptation overlooks the complexity of their reasoning. People leave churches for profound and thought-out reasons—not because they want an easier life. Nope. A more meaningful way to connect would be to ask, “What are some of the challenges you’ve faced in your spiritual life?”
“If you pray and read the Bible more, you will discover that leaving is wrong.”
This implies that people aren’t praying or reading scripture enough, which comes across as condescending. It dismisses the possibility that they have been deeply engaged in prayer and study—and that these practices may have contributed to their decision. Think of it like telling someone who’s already researched a health condition to “just Google it more.”
“You are relying on your feelings and emotions, not God.”
Belief is a personal and emotional experience. Suggesting that emotions are the main problem here makes your loved one feel invalidated. Imagine if someone dismissed your grief or joy by saying you’re just being emotional (how rude!). Instead of discounting their feelings, try asking, “What has this journey been like for you emotionally and spiritually?”
“If you cut yourself off from the church, you are cutting yourself off from God.”
While it’s totally understandable to feel concerned, equating church membership with salvation can feel like fearmongering. Many people maintain a deep connection with God outside of organized religion. Saying this can also create unnecessary anxiety rather than encouragement. A better approach? Show your support no matter where their journey takes them.
“You shouldn’t judge the church. Remember, Jesus said, ‘Don’t judge, so that you won’t be judged.’”
Quoting scripture to silence someone’s concerns rarely works. People often leave because they feel hurt or disappointed by specific experiences. Imagine someone telling you not to judge a restaurant after you got food poisoning there—it wouldn’t feel fair. Rather, acknowledge their feelings and ask what experiences have shaped their decision. A little empathy can go a long way.
“We cannot change the church for you.”
Churches are made up of people—imperfect ones—and listening to feedback is part of growth. Imagine if a business refused to change anything because “that’s how it’s always been.” It would lose customers really fast. A better approach is to ask, “What changes do you think would make the church more welcoming?” You may learn something valuable.
“I will pray for you.” (Said with a tone of pity or superiority)
Prayer is powerful, but when delivered with a holier-than-thou tone, it feels like a backhanded blessing. Imagine someone saying, “I’ll pray for you” after you mention a bad breakup—but with a tone that implies they think you made a huge mistake. If you want to offer prayers, be genuine. Pray for that person without making them feel judged.
“The cost of discipleship is high. God rewards those who endure hardship.”
While perseverance is a valuable lesson, this comment can feel dismissive of real pain. It suggests they should endure mistreatment without addressing the root cause. Would you tell someone in a toxic relationship to “tough it out” because love requires sacrifice? No, you should never. You can say, “I know faith can be challenging. What has been most difficult for you lately?” That opens a dialogue instead of closing a door.
“You need to forgive and forget!”
Would you do the same? We know forgiveness matters, but telling someone to “forgive and forget” makes the whole healing process sound way too simple. It brushes off the depth of their feelings and experiences. You can’t tell someone with a broken bone to “just walk it off.” Forgiveness is not something you can force.
“W.W.J.D. — What would Jesus do?”
Sure, “What would Jesus do?” is a catchy phrase, but tossing it out when someone’s leaving the church isn’t as helpful as it sounds. It comes off like a quick fix for a really complicated situation. Instead of assuming Jesus would be upset with them, think about how He actually showed compassion to people wrestling with faith and belonging.
“The Bible says don’t give up meeting together.”
Bringing up Bible verses like Hebrews 10:25 without context or conversation can feel like using Scripture as a hammer instead of a guide. Think about it: would quoting this verse truly help someone who’s wrestling with their faith? Probably not. Instead of quoting, why not ask them what community means to them or how they feel about connection outside the church?
“The church is about what you can contribute, not what you receive.”
This phrase sounds like they’re leaving because they’re selfish or lazy, which probably isn’t true. A lot of people walk away because they feel ignored or unappreciated, not because they don’t want to pitch in. Instead of jumping to conclusions, try asking, “What kind of role do you wish you could have had?” or “Did you ever feel like your voice wasn’t heard?”
“Don’t reject all the good over a bit of wrong.”
Clichés like “Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater” might sound catchy, but they oversimplify what is usually a tough decision. The “bit of wrong” they experienced could be way more serious than you think—it might involve real harm, betrayal, or ongoing pain. Instead of brushing it off, acknowledge their hurt by saying, “It sounds like some tough stuff happened. What hurt you the most?”
“I don’t see God in what you are saying. I think you’re depressed.”
It’s risky to mix up spiritual struggles with mental health issues without really understanding what’s going on. Just imagine how dismissive it sounds to say their whole faith crisis is just because they’re depressed. While mental health and spirituality can overlap, assuming depression is the main issue can totally invalidate their spiritual journey. Just because someone’s thinking outside the box doesn’t mean they’re crazy or depressed.
“How could you do this to your family and friends? They’ll be so hurt.”
Guilt is a really bad way to try and push someone toward spiritual growth. Making them feel like the bad guy for letting others down ignores the personal struggle they’re dealing with. People don’t just leave their faith community on a whim—it’s usually a tough, painful decision they wrestle with. Trying to make someone feel guilty for something they never did is wrong in itself. Watch your actions first.
“God told me to tell you: (repent, hang in there, etc.)”
Claiming that God gave you a personal message for someone else can feel manipulative and insincere, even if your intentions are good. Unless you share a deeply trusting relationship and they’ve sought your guidance, this approach can come off as spiritual superiority. Rather than speaking for God, why not share from your own heart? What would YOU say?
“Your marriage or children will suffer if you leave the church.”
Predicting that someone’s family life is doomed just because they’re stepping away from church attendance is all based on fear and has no real basis. Relationships grow on love, communication, and respect—not just religious labels. Instead of throwing out warnings, try focusing on really listening. Ask questions like, “How do you see your family’s spiritual life growing outside of church?”
“Everyone has a faith crisis; it’s just a phase.”
Brushing off someone’s spiritual struggle as “just a phase” completely undermines their experience and makes it seem like their struggles don’t matter. Even if they come back to church later, that time of doubt or stepping away is real and important to them at the moment. Instead of downplaying it, ask questions like: “What are the biggest questions you’ve been wrestling with?”
“I hope it doesn’t take a tragedy to bring you back to church.”
This comment isn’t just harsh—it can be hurtful. It makes it sound like they’re doomed to misfortune unless they return, which feels less like concern and more like a curse. The truth is that tragedies can happen to anyone, whether they go to church or not, and no one deserves to feel like they’re being set up for punishment.
Life after 40 is about breaking free from old molds and embracing what feels right. Wondering what that looks like? It’s a transformation that lets women redefine their priorities, choices, and purpose. Read on to discover the key shifts that come with this exciting new chapter.
Chasing Perfection In Appearance
There’s a freedom that comes with no longer obsessing over every flaw. Wrinkles and gray hair aren’t signs of aging; they’re badges of a life well-lived. These women embrace their natural beauty, no longer feeling pressured to look “perfect” for anyone but themselves.
Staying In Unfulfilling Jobs
A paycheck alone isn’t enough to keep you employed. Women over 40 realize that time is too precious to spend in a role that doesn’t bring them joy or purpose. Whether it’s a career change or pursuing a passion project, it’s about creating a life that is meaningful.
Fitting Into Traditional Gender Roles
The idea that women must fit neatly into predefined boxes—wife, mother, caregiver—is being replaced by something more freeing. In their 40s, women are no longer bound by society’s rules. They’re defining who they are on their own terms.
Getting Forced Into Considering Marriage For The Sake Of It
What truly matters is staying true to themselves and not fitting into a mold. Marriage has lost its hold as the ultimate goal for many of them. They have realized that fulfillment doesn’t depend on a traditional relationship but rather on embracing what brings them personal joy.
Conforming To Other People’s Expectations
Living according to their own values replaces the endless effort to meet external expectations. The desire to please others diminishes, and they have a stronger sense of self, fully realizing this freedom as they enter the 40s.
Feeling Guilt Around Motherhood Choices
As women embrace the 40s, the pressure to have children becomes less prominent. If they choose to wait or decide not to have children at all, the decision is theirs alone. For many, fulfillment is found in paths that don’t necessarily lead to motherhood.
Trying To Be Everything To Everyone
It’s no longer about being everything to everyone. Women let go of the impossible task of juggling everything and start prioritizing what truly matters. The realization that boundaries are essential comes into focus when they start the 4th decade.
Staying Silent About Their Needs
Why are women beyond their 30s empowered to ask for what they want? Because they’ve stopped letting others’ expectations dictate their choices. In work, relationships, or friendships, they confidently voice their needs and desires, putting themselves first.
Following Trends Instead Of Personal Style
Style takes on a new meaning as women age. Forty-year-old women realize that fashion isn’t about keeping up with trends. It’s about wearing what makes them feel confident and comfortable, to reflect their true selves with every outfit.
Sticking To One Career Path
The idea of being tied to one career path for life feels like a thing of the past. These women love the fluidity of career changes, side gigs, or even starting their own businesses. They’ve learned that it’s okay to evolve and try new things.
America’s infamous thieves remind us of the impact of crossing ethical lines. These individuals did not simply unlawfully take possessions—they disrupted lives and exploited trust. While some faced consequences, others escaped justice, leaving a complex legacy behind. Here are 10 of the most notorious thieves in the history of America.
Jesse James
In 1873, Jesse James and his gang orchestrated one of America’s first train robberies near Adair, Iowa. They derailed the locomotive and escaped with $3,000 in gold. Pursued relentlessly by law enforcement officers, James evaded capture for years but was ultimately betrayed and shot by a member of his gang.
D.B. Cooper
Dan Cooper, infamously known as D.B. Cooper, seized control of a Northwest Airlines flight in 1971, demanding $200,000 and four parachutes. After receiving the ransom, he parachuted into the wilderness of the Pacific Northwest. A massive manhunt ensued, but Cooper was never found, leaving behind one of America’s greatest mysteries.
Jimmy Burke
Jimmy Burke masterminded the 1978 Lufthansa heist at JFK Airport, during which his crew stole $5 million in cash and $875,000 in jewelry. Despite meticulous planning, Burke’s associates became liabilities as they spent lavishly, which eventually drew the FBI’s attention. Burke avoided direct prosecution for the heist but faced incarceration for other offenses.
Alvin Karpis
Alvin Karpis, a key member of the Barker-Karpis gang, masterminded numerous robberies and kidnappings during the 1930s. Known for his calculating nature, Karpis became the first public enemy captured by J. Edgar Hoover. Despite his offense, his capture remains one of the FBI’s proudest moments.
Bernie Madoff
Bernie Madoff’s Ponzi scheme began in the 1980s, when he was promising consistent returns to high-profile investors. The deception unraveled in 2008 during the financial crisis. Then, he was captured by the FBI and was sentenced to 150 years in detention. His scheme remains the largest financial theft in history and has devastated countless lives.
Willie Sutton
Between the 1920s and 1950s, Sutton used clever disguises to rob over 30 banks. Captured multiple times, Sutton’s escapes were as legendary as his heists and earned him the nickname “Slick Willie.”The famous quote, “Because that’s where the money is,” is often attributed to him when asked why he robbed banks; however, he denied saying this statement.
Anthony Curcio
In 2008, Anthony Curcio used Craigslist to recruit decoys dressed as landscapers and confused witnesses during his armored truck heist. The meticulously planned operation netted him $400,000, but a tip from a homeless man led to his arrest. Curcio’s story later became a case study in modern criminal ingenuity.
Belle Starr and Her Gang of Thieves
Known as the “Bandit Queen,” Belle Starr led a gang that specialized in horse theft during the late 1800s. A charismatic figure, she charmed her way out of legal trouble multiple times. Starr was eventually ambushed, and she lost her life. This cemented her legacy as an infamous outlaw of the Wild West.
Frank Morris
Using his remarkable IQ, Frank Morris escaped Alcatraz in 1962 alongside two accomplices. They crafted life vests and a makeshift raft from raincoats and used papier-mâché heads to trick guards. Despite extensive searches, Morris’s fate remains unknown, fueling speculation about whether he survived the treacherous waters.
The Newton Gang
Led by Willis, Joe, Jess, and Wylie (“Dock”) Newton, This gang became infamous for a spree of bank and train robberies in the early 20th century. On June 12, 1924, they executed the largest train robbery in U.S. history near Rondout, Illinois, stealing over $3 million in cash, bonds, and jewelry.
Right-handed dominance in design is so common that most people don’t even notice it. Left-handed individuals, however, encounter small frustrations in daily life due to these biased designs. Here are 20 everyday objects that cater to right-handed users.
Scissors
Standard scissors are designed so that the top blade aligns for a right-handed grip. Lefties using them experience misaligned blades and uneven cuts. While special left-handed scissors exist, they’re rare and could be more expensive. Many left-handers simply adapt by cutting awkwardly or using their non-dominant hand.
Computer Mice
Walk into any office, and you’ll see the mouse on the right. While lefties can move it, ergonomic designs still favor right-handers. Shared workstations make it worse—settings often need to be reconfigured daily. It’s a small thing, but it’s a constant frustration.
Credit Card Machines and ATMs
Card slots, number pads, and styluses at ATMs are designed for right-hand use. Lefties must awkwardly reach across or switch hands. Even touchscreen payment terminals assume a right-handed user, which makes signing receipts and entering PINs feel unnatural.
Door Handles and Locks
Most doors favor a right-handed push, and keyholes are placed for a natural right-hand turn. Left-handed people often find themselves fumbling with locks and twisting their wrists in uncomfortable ways. Public buildings, especially, seem to be designed under the assumption that everyone is right-handed.
Spiral Notebooks
Left-handed students know this struggle all too well. Spiral bindings press into the wrist, making writing painful. Three-ring binders? Even worse. Many lefties flip notebooks upside down or write at off angles to avoid discomfort. Meanwhile, right-handers remain blissfully unaware.
Can Openers
Most manual can openers require a right-hand turn. This means using an uncomfortable grip and struggling with an unnatural twisting motion for lefties. Left-handed versions exist, but they’re uncommon, so left-handers struggle with everyday kitchen task.
The Infamous Ink Smudge Problem
Lefties drag their hand across freshly written ink, smudging words as they write. Pens, markers, and even certain paper textures make it worse. Many left-handers develop a “hook” grip to avoid the mess, but this unnatural posture can lead to wrist strain over time.
Guitars and Musical Instruments
Music stores are stocked with right-handed guitars. Left-handed versions are rare and often more expensive. Many lefties flip right-handed guitars upside down—like Jimi Hendrix—and others learn to play the “wrong” way. Even violins and brass instruments are designed with right-handed players in mind.
Measuring Cups
Glass measuring cups from brands like Pyrex and Anchor Hocking often have their measurement markings printed on only one side—facing outward when held in the right hand. For left-handed users, they must turn the cup, guess the measurement, or swap hands to see the correct volume.
Video Game Controllers
Most game controllers place primary action buttons under the right hand. While the movement is controlled by the left, precise actions require a dominant right thumb. Even arcade machines follow this setup. Left-handed gamers adjust, but it’s another example of right-handed design dominance.
Zippers and Buttons
Clothing design has long favored right-handed people. Shirt buttons require a right-handed grip, zippers are placed for a natural right-hand pull, and even pockets are positioned for easy right-hand access. On the other hand, lefties take longer to get dressed, and others simply learn to adapt without thinking about it.
Cameras
Photography equipment doesn’t favor left-handers. Shutter buttons and grips are always positioned for right-handed operation, which makes it odd for lefties to hold and adjust settings. Even tripods and external flashes often require right-handed maneuvering and force left-handed photographers to adjust their technique.
Ballpoint Pens
Most people don’t realize that many pens are optimized for right-handed use. The ink flow in ballpoint pens relies on the natural angle and pressure of a right-hander’s stroke. Left-handers, who push rather than pull the pen across the page, often deal with skipping, fading ink, and an inconsistent writing experience.
Baseball Gloves
You’ll see dozens of right-handed baseball gloves in a sporting goods store. Left-handed gloves? Maybe a couple—if you’re lucky. The same applies to golf clubs and hockey sticks. Since most players are right-handed, manufacturers don’t prioritize producing left-handed gear in large quantities.
Measuring Tapes and Rulers
Numbers on most measuring tapes and rulers are printed to be easily read when held in the right hand. Some left-handers using a standard measuring tape often have to twist oddly, while others have to read numbers upside down. This makes precise measurements more complex than they need to be.
Cars and Vehicle Controls
From gear shifts to ignition placements, vehicle interiors assume right-hand dominance. Even in left-hand-drive countries, critical controls—like wiper switches and infotainment buttons—favor right-handed use. While left-handed drivers manage, the setup is never quite as intuitive for them.
Power Tools
Many power tools, including drills, saws, and nail guns, have safety switches and grips positioned for right-handed users. This isn’t just inconvenient—it’s a safety risk. Left-handers must use tools in an odd way and modify their grip, which can lead to dangerous mistakes.
Public Transport Ticket Machines
Have you ever noticed where the card reader is when you tap your metro card? It’s usually positioned for a smooth right-hand swipe. Lefties either have to reach across their body or switch hands to make it work. The same applies to ticket machines, which often have keypads set up for right-handers.
Kitchen Tools
Many kitchen utensils, from ice cream scoops to ladles, are ergonomically designed with a curved grip—shaped for a right-handed hold. This makes it difficult for left-handers to use them comfortably, forcing them to struggle with poor angles as others even buy specialized left-handed versions.
Supermarket Checkout Counters
Grocery store checkouts are structured for right-handed efficiency. Card readers are positioned for a smooth right-hand swipe, while conveyor belt controls favor right-handed cashiers. Even the bagging area is often set up for right-hand use and left-handed shoppers, and workers must adjust to the current system.
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