Lisa O
When talking with priests or pastors, it’s easy to forget how much their actions matter. These folks aren’t just spiritual leaders—they’ve dedicated their entire lives to guiding, healing, and supporting others. What they do is not easy (even if it looks easy to you). Here are 15 things you should definitely avoid saying to a priest or pastor.
“I’m just here for the free food.”
Yeah, some church events have food, but don’t forget that the main point of these gatherings is to connect spiritually, not just to grab a free meal. Saying something like this can downplay the whole purpose of the event and might make the priest feel like their hard work is being overlooked. You can’t behave like it’s all just about the food.
“Why don’t you get a real job?”
Being a priest or pastor isn’t just a job—it’s a calling. A lot of clergy give up potential careers with big paychecks to serve others. Comments like this can totally miss the point of what they do, which often involves long hours, emotional work, and a real commitment to their community. Their “job” touches more lives than we might even realize.
“I don’t believe in God anymore.”
It’s normal to have doubts or struggle with your faith, but saying it like this to a priest or pastor can come off as an attack on everything they believe in. They’ve dedicated their lives to helping people with their faith. If you’re going through a crisis of belief, it’s better to approach it with understanding.
“You’re just doing this for the money.”
A lot of priests and pastors live pretty modestly, sometimes earning less than many of their parishioners. Suggesting they’re in it for the money isn’t fair at all. These folks are usually all about their spiritual work, not chasing material gain. Questioning their integrity can be hurtful, especially when they’ve spent years serving others with sincerity.
“Can you pray for me to win the lottery?”
No. It might seem like a joke, but asking for prayers to win the lottery kind of misses the point of what prayer is really about. Priests and pastors focus on prayer for healing, guidance, and spiritual growth—not for other stuff. A better way to go about it would be to ask for wisdom or peace on your journey instead of just wishing for a big payday.
“How come you’re not married yet?”
A lot of priests and pastors, especially in certain denominations, choose celibacy as part of their spiritual commitment. Asking them about it can come off as disrespectful or too personal. Celibacy is a big part of their calling, so questioning it could make them feel uncomfortable or self-conscious about their path.
“I don’t need to go to church, I’m spiritual enough.”
Personal spirituality is important, but brushing off church attendance like it’s not needed can downplay the value of church as a community. Priests and pastors really emphasize the power of fellowship and worship together. It’s not just about going through the motions—it’s about growing in faith as a group.
“Aren’t you a little too old to be still working?”
People often link age with retirement, but many priests and pastors keep serving well into their later years. Their experience and wisdom only make their ministry stronger. Instead of doubting their ability to keep going, think about all the life lessons and insights they bring. Wisdom doesn’t have an expiration date.
“I don’t like the way you preach.”
Just trashing a sermon without offering any helpful feedback isn’t just rude—it totally ignores the work that goes into preparing it. Every preacher has their own style, and even if it doesn’t click with you, remember that a sermon is about guiding and inspiring, not just entertaining. If something doesn’t hit, think about the message behind it instead of just focusing on how it was delivered.
“You’ve probably never had a real problem in your life.”
Just because a priest or pastor is seen as a spiritual guide doesn’t mean they haven’t gone through their own struggles. They might not always open up about it, but many have dealt with grief, loss, or tough situations themselves. Thinking they don’t face hardships takes away from their humanity and the real care they offer to others.
“I didn’t like that church event.”
Church events take a lot of work to put together, and they’re meant to bring people together—whether for community outreach or to hang out. If an event didn’t live up to your expectations, be mindful of how you give feedback. Instead of just criticizing, offer some helpful suggestions or ask the priest or pastor what they think.
“I’m only here because my parents forced me.”
It’s pretty common for young people to attend church because their parents push them, but brushing it off like that can ignore the real purpose of being there. Even if you’re there reluctantly, showing some respect for the service and the priest or pastor leading it can make the whole experience more meaningful—not just for you, but for everyone.
“Isn’t it time for a change in leadership?”
If you’re not happy with the leadership at your church, try bringing up your concerns in a thoughtful way, not like this. Suggesting a leadership change without any discussion or understanding can shake the trust and respect that’s been built over time. Instead of pointing out what’s wrong and what you don’t like, chat about how things could improve.
“Do you ever doubt your faith?”
It’s totally normal to have doubts about your faith, but asking a priest or pastor about their doubts can be awkward. They’re seen as spiritual guides who must stay confident in their beliefs. If you’re struggling with doubts, it’s better to talk to them in a way that respects their journey—ask for guidance instead of making it about their own challenges with faith.
“This doesn’t apply to me, I’m already good.”
Spiritual teachings and guidance are for everyone, no matter how “good” you think you are. No one has it all figured out when it comes to their faith or spiritual journey. If you brush off teachings as irrelevant, you might be closing yourself off from chances to grow. Clergy offers wisdom for everyone, not just those struggling—there’s always room to improve in our spiritual lives.
